Monday, July 16, 2007

the dream job

Received the rejection call today. Uh huh. "You did very well, it was a hard decision, but the other candidate had more relevant experience. We really liked you and want to keep you details on file." I should be happy that I got to the final 2, beating out others who probably had more film experience than me, for a job at the most desirable company to work for in the independent film industry.

Getting this far through what was a very competitive job application process has given me a confidence boost. I can probably get a job at any boring company and get paid heaps more, but I don't want to. I'm not going to rely on looking for jobs online anymore either - it's all about making the right contacts in the right companies. I will not give up on getting my dream job, but in the meantime, I still want to leave my current job for anything else because I've had enough of babysitting incompetent people who would fail a grade 1 spelling test. Urgh, enough of complaining about my current job. The only positive thing to come out of my job is a really funny script I'm writing about the oddballs/losers/stupid people there. Time to start networking and building more relevant experience.

Friday, July 13, 2007

I'm going to explode

My heart has been beating at a frantic pace for more than 12 hours. It's 7am and I haven't been to sleep all night. I need to leave for work in an hour. Now Googling "how to calm down".

Never been more nervous...

I applied for a job at my dream company and was one of two selected for a second round interview. They'll let me know the outcome tomorrow or Monday. The only times I've ever been this nervous was when I was waiting for my uni placement and high school results. It's 4.49am and I've only had half an hour of sleep. I don't think I will sleep tonight. I hope to God they ring me tomorrow. I don't want to spend the weekend in anguish.

Sunday, July 1, 2007


We drove into the one-street town a few minutes before sunset. The murky greyish-blue sky, bare trees and moderate rain fall were all the elements needed for the making of a ghost town vibe. My quirkiness radar piqued upon driving past two street signs on a residential street - one an old peoples crossing, and the other a ducks crossing. From that moment I knew that there was going to be something to like about Trentham.

We went to Trentham to eat at a recommended German restaurant. Since we couldn't find it, we stopped in front of a Victorian era hotel to ask for directions. The hotel was unfortunately borded up - a sign of a lack of tourism in the town. We walked to the milk bar/fish & chips store around the corner to get directions. Two spirited and large old ladies ran the store. The louder one of the two wore a sailor's hat and a porcelian white set of large dentures, which produced a very toothy smile. They told us the German restaurant closed down but told us to visit Mrs Marples Tea Room instead for beautiful foccacias. I noticed this cute cottage cafe during our five minute drive through the entire town.

We moved the car to park in front of the Trentham Hotel pub, which was next to Mrs Marples. I alighted the car first, and was greeted by a young guy smoking outside of the pub. His ears were accessorised with two large black disks, and he looked like every other dark haired muso fanboy in the city. I guessed he was into punk/pop or emo. Expecting the town to be comprised of single middle aged men and old people, I was surprised to see a young guy, especially one dressed like him. He complained about being forced to smoke outside of the pub now, given it was the first day that the non-smoking laws took effect. We walked into the brightly lit, fireplace warm cottage that was Mrs Marples Tea Room. It was a cafe and store that had on display typical old people country items like patchwork quilts, porcelian plates and tea pots, dolls, teddy bears, knit wear, yarn, soaps, and second hand books. I've also never seen this many Golliwogs in my life. The cliche word to describe this country cafe is what else but charming. A middle aged lady was working behind the front counter and making drinks. Her mother worked in the kitchen and brought the food out, always with enthusiasm about the food and care for the customers. They both were blonde and wore pink sweaters.

We settled on a table in front of the fire place and ordered Devonshire tea. The scones were cushiony soft and warm, served with a generous amount of thick double cream and strawberry jam. Quite possibly some of the best scones I've eaten. My friend had chicken soup that looked like it was made with love. The aroma of the herbs and spices was drifting through the air, and it was brimming with large chunks of vegetables - not something I often see in soups nowadays. The tea was served in an illustrated porcelian tea pot and a little tea cup with gold brim. The entire dining setting was the epitome of quaint and ladylike.

The two ladies from the milk bar walked into Mrs Marples soon after and commended us for going by their recommendation, and we whole heartedly agreed with them about this lovely cafe. I thought it was cute that they could close their milk bar when they felt like going for a coffee. Being a small town, they of course knew the owners of the cafe and they started chatting about the goings on in their life and the town.

Later on the young guy from outside the pub opened the door cafe to boldly ask the owner if he could smoke inside here. She told him to go away and everyone burst out laughing. Of all places to smoke, Mrs Marples would be the last. The old ladies and the owner gossiped about the guy and said he was the mad brother of some guy in town. The old ladies complained about his black disc earings.

To top the quirky evening off, a slightly mental STEVE BUSCEMI lookalike walked in to chat with the owner and ask what he could buy from her with the few coins he had in his pocket. At that point I knew Trentham would be a good setting for a film about quirky small town people.

I'd like to sit at Mrs Marples for a day to observe the colourful people, and especially evesdrop on their conversations. I felt like I was watching a cafe scene out of the Gilmore Girls, where different locals come and go during the day, interacting with the owner and people around them.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

The Dan Count rises

I came across another two Dan's in the past two weeks. Let's see how many I know now.

Dan 1 - My mum's best friend's son. Known him since we were 1 or 2 but we aren't friends.
Dan 2 - Friend who used to work with me. Works in TV.
Dan 3 - Friend's ex-housemate and also used to work with me. Graphic designer.
Dan 4 - I work with him now. Sound engineer.
Dan 5 - Trivia host at Comfy Chair.
Dan 6 - Cute guy at local bottle shop.
Dan 7 - Sings in my friend's boyfriend's band.
Dan 8 - Housemate to Dan 7. Arts student.
Dan 9 - Tanya's best friend. Muso and graphic designer.
Dan 10 - Another muso, rapper to be precise. Organized to interview his band once.
Dan 11 - A drunk guy at a bar.
Dan 12 - I sent an e-mail to a general company e-mail address and a Dan replied. This counts.

I will not give in!

Fuck having to sleep early (before midnight) to get enough rest for the next work day. There are so many things to do and learn in this world, I'm not going to let an eight hour work schedule prevent me from living life at night. I wish there was a pill I could take so I could stay up for 24 hours without any side effects. I resolve sleep whenever I feel like it. Coffee was commercialised for a reason.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

We ARE fun

What does "I like to have fun" actually mean? I actually don't like having fun. I like to stay at home on a Saturday night to do soul enriching activities like read, write and watch movies, while everyone else is walking about in skimpy dresses in the cold. Suzie also likes to stay home on Saturdays to draw and read. So maybe we don't like having fun. There are people who like HAVING fun, and there are people who ARE fun. It's a natural state of being. We fall into the second category. You know what, we REFRAIN from going out on Saturday nights because we're sick of getting into fights with attention whores who acuse us of stealing the spotlight from them. We can't help it that we're fun without even trying. HAH. Shove that down your skanky low cut dress.

lemon cupcake
It's a good thing that Suzie likes eating (especially goods of the baked variety), because I enjoy baking. In fact, she only talks to me in the hope that I will bake something again one day. I think when looks at me she pictures my head as a cupcake, with my hair as the frosting. She smells cupcakes the moment I enter a room.

Suzie will be delighted to know that Franz Ferdinand will be releasing a new album early next year. At the gig we are going to wear t-shirts with each other's photos on it (printed on our matching skull t-shirts) so we won't lose each other. OMG, in ten years time we will look back at photos of the band and say "OMG, those red and navy striped t-shirts are SO 2006."

Franz Ferdinand the man
Franz Ferdinand the band

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Junk mail 26/6/07

Loulou came running down the stairs all in a panic, she ran through the living room into the kitchen and straight to the back door.
Usually little help is needed from you, but its wise to stay close to be sure that the mothers lack of experience does not cause any problems. Mating West Highland White Mating West Highland White It is important that your Westie is mated at the right time if she is to conceive. I was advised to only let Loulou eat three placentas? They may well develop swollen breasts and may even produce milk.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Junk mail 25/6/07

So, he turns out to be a bargain basement bionic man.
It turns out that this vagrant is from a long lost line of samurais. My Samurai wont go before the cameras until next year.
The film revolves around a German general's plan to snuff out Adolph Hitler at the height of World War II. "The latest INDIANA JONES production news? Along with the Batmobile we are introducing a new vehicle, the Batpod, a new Batsuit and some classic characters in The Joker and Harvey Dent.
EXCLUSIVE: Gianni Nunnari on Ronin and Scorsese's Silence!
"The Wachowski brothers said to me one day that they were always disturbed that their nieces and nephews could never see their movies.
CONTEST: Win Huge Prizes from License to Wed! They will be appearing alongside Tom Cruise in the project.
An entire line of action play items will allow boys to role-play being The Dark Knight. There is no word on when the film will start shooting.
" Jaylath maintains that Standard DVD still has a bright future and that "digital delivery" is "set for large gains in the coming years.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Wish list

Humunah humunah humunah. I have a secret habit of air typing my thoughts. You may find me slightly moving my fingers across my handbag when I'm sitting on the tram. I may become the most annoying person on the tram if I was to have this bag. I really want it. Someone buy it for me.


I also want season 2 of 90210. Please. I used to have that poster on my wall (the photo that's on the DVD cover)! I always loved Kelly's red dress.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I'm certainty I hate her

The illiterate fuckwit who sits next to me at work said "certainty" instead of "certainly" yesterday. She tries to be sophisticated at times by speaking in a faux bogan posh accent and saying words that are more than two syllables. She is the antithesis of who I want to be - umotivated, dependent, a follower, no mind of her own, insecure, suburbanite, obese, ugly. Her ass is so fat it takes up half the corridor. She waddles like Grimace and has kankles. All her life she was brainwashed to believe her goal in life is to marry a boy from the same culture. She found a not-so-great guy to marry at a young age and have a (ugly) kid with him because he wanted one. Looking at her, thinking about her, makes me want to vomit.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


It's happened three times in the past month. I dream of a friend and the next day he/she randomly e-mails me or bumps into me. We don't routinely contact each other. For instance, I wouldn't expect an e-mail from EC at the same time every month. I'd like to think that I have a minute psychic connection with certain people. Or maybe it's just that there's a certain period of time that's considered a long time to not hear from someone, so my friend or I will initiate contact with each other. Of course, this non-contact period will differ with various friends. It depends on how much you like them and/or how involved they are in your daily life. I can't go a week without talking to a few people, and others I can go without communication for a few months. It's not a reflection on how important they are to me though. I think when you're living in a different city from someone it's hard to keep each other updated on your daily lives. This article has gone way off the original path (as most my articles do) and I think it only makes sense to me.

Monday, May 14, 2007

20 year old girl parties all night long

Why does the media make such a big deal about young famous people who get pissed/take drugs/have different sex partners. Young people do that anyway. At least celebrities have the money to be as wild as they want, have the fame to sleep with whoever they want, and have the clothes to look as fabulous as they can be. Are there many young girls who actually think "oh, Lindsay Lohan takes copious amounts of drugs, maybe I should too." Drinking when you're a teenager is firmly entrenched in the Australian culture. Mischa Barton shouldn't take any credit for that! Do the Gen X/Y alcoholics and drug addicts blame Drew Barrymore for her doped up antics as a nine year old? I wonder how many nine and ten year olds in the 80s experimented with drugs and acohol because Drew did.

The celebrities way of partying is much more glamorous than the suburban equivalent of going to your local pub in your low cut jeans and clevage showing top, spending your week's supermarket wage on drugs and hooking up with Bogan Barry.

I am the green eyed monster

I have a love/hate relationship with food blogs. On the one hand they give me ideas on where to eat and what to cook. On the other hand the writers make me feel jealous, not because of the food they eat but the company they have to eat with! These bloggers regularly visit new restaurants with their friends and are able to try new recipies to test out on other people. I don't have a regular group of friends whom I visit new restaurants with, and I don't have anyone to cook for. In fact, my friends, knowing how much of a foodie I am, will relay to me their experiences at various restaurants but will not even think of inviting me, normally because there's a girlfriend, boyfriend or date involved. Knowing people like this makes me cherish one of my best friends even more. She will drive at any lengths with me to eat at a particular place. Unfortunately we don't live in the same country anymore so going on adventures like that will only be a fond memory.

I've always been an insanely jealous person. In kindergarden I cried whenever my "boyfriend" of the whole year would talk to another girl. When he tried to apologize I'd just be sulky and ignore him, and one of our mums would have to intervene to make things better between us. Things haven't changed much.

I hate it when I'm left out of information, and I hate it when people don't invite me to things. I wonder why people choose to hang out with me in the first place. Maybe I'm the person who provides light entertainment on occasion but is not a good person to hang around with all the time. I'm the Urkel.

Maybe because food is a relatively new interest of mine that I don't have a foodie group yet. After years of searching for gig buddies, I've finally met a few people I can call on to attend gigs with me. Do I really want to get that deep into becoming a foodie though? I'll probably need two seats on the plane ride to Toronto if that became the case.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Should I feel sorry for them?

I just watched a 60 Minutes segment about a man who fell for a Nigeran banking scam. You know, you get an e-mail in your junk mail folder that goes along the lines of "Greetings Sir. I am the son of the late President Mutakaka and I am e-mailing you to ask for your help. I need someone trustworthy to take care of US$1,000,000 for me. Please send me your bank account details so I can transfer this money to you."

It turned out that he sent the Nigeran con men money several different times, in the promise that he would receive a larger sum in return. Eventually they sent him a fake cheque for US $31,500,000. Even after receiving the fake cheque, and even after being told by the authorities that the men were con artists, HE KEPT SENDING THEM MONEY!!!! Why should we feel sorry for his stupid actions? Sure, he lost all his money, his house, and his businesses, but IT WAS HIS FAULT. The blame game is the number one sport of our country. People never assume responsibility for their own actions. No, don't blame the man's stupidity but the cunningness of the Nigerian con men.

I never watch TV but I sometimes have it on for background noise. Commercial TV nowadays loves to show real stories of the stupid, annoying, fat and whinging. I can't believe there's an audience for this material. It's like the readers of Take Five magazine too over the reigns of TV production so they can show the 'real' stories of 'real' Australians. What happened to the good ol TV viewing days of becoming addicted to the latest (American) sitcom or drama. Other than The Chaser, I can't think of any other Australian show I'd rather watch than, say, Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Sopranos and even Scrubs (despite the annoyingness of J.D). When I watch TV I want to escape reality. I don't want to be confronted with the annoying types of people I encounter in public and at work everyday. I couldn't give a shit about their lives (especially if they have an annoying voice).

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Good for nothing

Last week I finished a short film script for a competition I was eager to enter, but after working on it for the past seven days, my initial enthusiasm for my script has turned to hatred. I can't think of another short film script to write. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a script writer. I'm not good at anything. Is it my fate to work be another boring office worker and not contribute anything creative to society? Maybe I should accept my fate and marry a sensible Chinese boy who listens to Boyz II Men and Brian Adams, buy a McMansion in the outer suburbs, have kids while I'm of child bearing age, get an admin job at an insurance company and have gossip magazine readers as friends. At least I'll be able to fine tune my only skill of baking cakes.

I can never follow through with anything. Not even suicide attempts. The three times I tried to kill myself I whimped out at the last minute because I was afraid that my attempts would result in paralyzation or brain damage rather than death, and I'd rather be dead than be paralyzed or retarded. If I wanted to commit suicide again, I'd have to do something dramatic like stand on a train track or jump off a thirty floor building. I'm worried than drinking a bottle of poison would just destroy my organs and I'd have to stay in a hospital for the rest of my life. How shit would that be. If I had the internet back in my suicidal days, I could have Googled "how to commit suicide" and got the job over and done with.

I'm at the peak of my cultural apathy tonight because I've been browsing celebrity gossip sites! I've stooped that low!!!

I still like writing though. I just finished a short story that I'm happy about. None of it is good enough to be published though. People tell me that writing is a skill people are born with and that enrolling in a writing course is useless if you already have the talent. However if I don't study writing, it will be something that will nag me for the rest of my life. I'm not confident in my skills so I mostly want to do a course to fine tune what I already know. I wish I had a writing tutor. Someone I can show my work to and ask how I can improve it. The only thing holding me back from doing a course now is my pending move to Toronto. That's it, I think I'll enrol in a writing course when I'm in Toronto.

If writing fails, maybe I should try photography as a creative outlet.

Ok, time for me to stop complaining and do something constructive.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Yum yum yum

My journey into becoming a hard core foodie (or, how I'm now the fattest I've ever been) started about a year and a half ago. Sick of supermarket bread, I went on my first foodie's expidition to find the best bakery bread on my side of town. After months of carbo loading, I settled on Filou's chewy and tasty wholemeal loaves. It tasted like the homemade bread my mum used to make with her bread making machine. The smell of bread baking to the time that you wake up is a better alarm than the annoying beep of my Nokia. Every house needs a bread making machine like they need a microwave (although I prefer stove top heating rather than microwaves).

The problem with being a foodie is that now I've tried the best of everything, I can't go back to eating grilled chicken breast salad for dinner every night. I was once a very plain, healthy eater. Fruit, vegetables, tuna and grilled meat was satisfactory. On some occasions I wouldn't even feel the need to eat. I know there are ways to make healthy food interesting. Believe me, I could write my own healthy recipies book. But my brain is now telling me to eat like a glutton at every meal, and to not resist temptation. On Thursday I walk past Let Them Eat Cake and want to buy a cupcake. On Saturday I walk to Filou's to buy a chocolate cherry brioche. On Sunday I go to A1 to buy a cheese pie. I tell myself each time that it's a treat, but how often do I need to have these treats? There should be a way that I can balance my love for food with a healthy lifestyle. Well, I'm running more to compensate for my daily indulgences. Getting fit is actually quite fun because it gives me a goal other than to make the perfect hot cross buns.

I'm extremely spoilt for choice in places to eat in Brunswick. I wonder if I will be as lucky in Toronto. If I can't find anywhere good to eat there, at least I will lose weight.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Movie list

These recently viewed films made made me laugh, think, cry and feel inspired.


I fell in love with Marc-Andre Grondin.

A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints

I fell in love with Robert Downey Jnr's puppy dog eyes.

Running with Scissors

I fell in love with Annette Benning's wardrobe in the first third of the film and the first house the Burroughs family lived in.

The Namesake

I fell in love with the director, Mira Nair, for the way she shot India and drawing out incredible performances from the cast.

Half Nelson

I fell in love with Ryan Gosling. He was hot as a junkie.

The Devil and Daniel Johnston

I fell in love with Daniel Johnston's mad, creative genius like that depicted of Anton Newcomb in Dig!.


Dustin Hoffman acted in his best films in the 70s.

Ggrrr don't ask me out when he/she's there!

You know I hate your girlfriend/boyfriend, don't ask me to hang out when you're with her/him. I'd rather stay at home plucking my eyebrows. If you want to see me, do it separately and add in other friends to the mix. I find your girlfriend/boyfriend extremely annoying/quiet/anti-social/serious/judgemental/unfunny/controlling/needy/sad/whimpy/rude.

I only consider two of my friends partners' as my own friends. Altough I met an ex of a friend who I got along with fantastically. If they were still going out I wouldn't mind hanging out with the both of them at all.

I hate MSN

If people are really busy, they shouldn't go on MSN! They are obviously online to talk to someone. It's the most obvious form of brushing someone aside. ICQ was better than MSN because you could appear offline to everyone and select the few who you want to appear online too. On MSN, you have to either block everyone on your list except the person you want to talk to, or appear "busy" or "away" all the time so that if people send you messages you can ignore them or tell them you are too busy too chat. The word 'block' is more harsh than appearing 'invinsible'. Block infers to push someone out of your life forever, whereas invinsible means to hide out from people once in awhile.

I used to have a brain

To take a line from Nina Simone's "I can't see nobody" - "I used to have a brain; I used to think of many things."

When I go for walks or I'm sitting on the tram, I'm conscious of when I'm not thinking. Nothing comes to mind to think about other than worrying about not thinking. I can't think of short film scripts because they develop as I write. I switch off from my day job the moment I exit my office doors. My thoughts usually comprise of personal worries and whoever is taking my fancy at the time. I'm oblivious to most events happening in the world. Maybe I just don't see any point in worrying about situations that I feel I have no control over. I don't like anyone at the moment, which has made me feel more content than I have ever been in the past few years. Not having a love interest has been fantastic because I'm less preoccupied about my looks, more focused on saving money to move to Candada next year and making my short film. I'm dressing like a tomboy again, wearing glasses (which I love though because they're these) and gained weight because I have no care about acquiring a boyfriend. I know, I'm a disappointing feminist and I should have more self-respect. I should want to look good for myself, not for a man! I was told that the events in your past life shape what happens to you now. I wonder if I bound my feet in a past life to increase my marriage prospects. That would also explain why I was born with feet problems.

Oi vey where is my mind...

I think I'm desperate to go back to uni, but I can't enrol at the moment because I'm saving to go overseas. This is the year of sacrificing my brain for potentially greater experiences next year.

Porridge variations

Banana porridge

1. Cook porridge as per directions on packet.
2. After it's cooked mix in one mashed banana.
3. Sprinkle cinnamon, sultanas/currants and slithered almonds.

Pear oats

1. Throw in a pear into a pot of boiling water (twice the amount of water to cover the pear). Add cinnamon and ginger spice powder. Boil till pear is soft.
2. Add in rolled oats. Stir until cooked.

Apple oats

Same directions as for pear oats, except leave out the ginger spice.

How to ruin a day

Wear really uncomfortable shoes to stand in the whole day. Fuck these shoes. The flat sole deceived me. Flat does not equal comfortable. Oh, make sure they don't have good grip so you have trouble walking across smooth surfaces. You may even slip a few times. Damn these shoes. Why can't people make simple, comfy ballet flats? These were the only pair I could find after looking all over Melbourne. Does everyone wear boots, heels and wedges? Surely there must be a market my age for plain black leather ballet flats.

Also forget to wear a belt when wearing loose pants. Whenever I lose weight it comes off from the hips first. My hips aren't even big to begin with! My pants and jeans always, always slip down. It makes it look to others that I'm purposely showing off my arse crack, but I'm not - I simply have no arse and hip flesh to fill out my pants! I can never run in my jeans because they'll fall to my knees, even when I buckle my belt tightly. Why can't I loose weight in my face or stomach instead? I know my back would be happy without the two boobs hanging off it. Yes, when you're fat, you have two sets of boobs - one on the chest and the other on the back. You fatties know what I'm talking about.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Dealing with people

There are two or three people whom I think I can hang out with more than three times a week without getting sick of them. I can't say this with conviction, since at times I've needed a break from seeing these people too. One of these people hasn't even really reached good friend status yet, but we hang out with each other three to four times a week and I'm happy to do that because he's easygoing and we get along well. The point is, I prefer to spend time alone and when I do socalize, I'm quite picky in the people I choose. I need a break from seeing most people (even good friends) if I've hung out with them two times in a week, and I especially begin to feel suffocated when anyone from this group asks for my time more than once or twice a week. I like to balance out the time I spend with my different friends. My social network is quite fragmanted. I don't have a big group of friends who know each other. Each of my friends are from differnent areas of my life. I'm most comfortable hanging out in a group of three. When I'm just hanging out with one other person, I feel so much pressure to avoid awkward silence that I end up rambling and laughing to much. Maybe that's why internet dates never worked out for me. Here's a psychiatrist's theory - I'm scared of a conversation going silent because all the way up to the age of 15, I was very quiet and people hated me for it.

I know a guy who I think can only tolerate to hang out with me once every few months. If I ask him to hang out again a few days after we've seen each other, he most likely won't even answer my call or reply my SMS. I think he'd rather chat with me on the internet than talk to me in person, which is fair enough because the online me is wittier and smarter (only because while chatting, I can Google things he's said that I don't understand). Anyone who doesn't know me in person must be wondering how unarticulate and slow I am in real life, given that the writing in this blog isn't much to go by. It's true, I'm one of the stupidest people I know, not many people are stupider than me (except the lady in my office who spells 'neighbours' as 'naiberous' and 'great' as 'grate'). It's one thing to be able to memorize your way through a degree, it's another to not finish school but do well in life because of smart decisions and ambition.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Music ruined by circumstance

Once music I liked (or tolerated), I now cringe or feel queasy when I hear it. It is:

- Anything by Martha Wainwright, Jeff Buckley, At The Drive-In, Maximo Park and End of Fashion
- Josh Pike - Middle of the Hill
- The Editors - Bullets
- Gwen Stefani - What are you waiting for
- Black Eyed Peas - Where is the love

Rivers Cuomo and Asian fetishes

Last night I dreamt that I met Rivers Cuomo backstage after a Weezer gig (yes, this dream was last night, not in 1996). Two mean blonde girls were making me nervous by telling me that I had no chance with Rivers. I told them that they were being stupid for assuming that I would make a move on a celebrity. After the dream I thought, of course I would have a chance, I'm Asian. Rivers loves Asians. The only thing that would turn him off me would be my boyish Westernness and ability to speak fluent English. My Asian fetish friend says he's attracted to Asians because he thinks they're more feminine and it's cute when they speak in broken English. I have a few Asian fetish friends, but I still think most Asian fetish guys are creepy, especially this one. Is it wrong for me to think they're creepy? How are they different from gentleman who prefer blondes? How are they different from any person who is attracted to a certain type? The Asian fetishes' attraction is not much different to my weakness for dark haired, slightly geeky, creative (especially music) River.

I can't believe River went on Friendster to look for a girlfriend. He even found a profile he liked, sent her several messages that she never replied to, and wrote a few songs for her. Other than to complete the degree he's deferred since 1997, Rivers returned to Harvard to look for his future wife. He eventually married a Japanese friend he made at a Weezer concert in 1997. Can someone send me a list of musicians who date their fans?

Friday, April 27, 2007

Stupid customers

Customer - "Your website isn't working"
Me - "Why"
Customer - "It's different"
Me - "What website are you using?"
Customer - ""
Me - "That's the wrong one. It's"
Customer - "Oh yeah, that's right, silly me. Let me login to the website. I can't get in. The login details are wrong."
Me - "What are you typing in?"
Customer - "Username - xxxxx. Password - yyyyy."
Me - "It's the other way around. The usename is yyyyy and the password is xxxxx."
Customer - "Oh, yes, silly me."

Me (thinking) - "How can you be an IT teacher if you have trouble getting into a website, dumbass!"

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Colonel Sanders memorbilia

This book is about the Colonel's finding of Jesus (was he behind the couch all this time?)

Saturday, April 21, 2007


It annoys me that so many people are ignorant about Malaysia and choose to go to Thailand or Singapore instead for a South East Asian holiday. Thai food is great, but Malaysian is just as good and has more variety. As for Singaporean food, well, it's an inferior version of Malaysian and they don't have any signature dishes (chilli crab doesn't count as it's Malaysian!). All Singapore has to offer is clean public toilets. Why people should go to Malaysia:

1. The variety of food influenced by Malay, Chinese (especially Hainanese), Indian and Portugese cultures.

2. The Malaysian Chinese food is better than what's found in China, where every dish I tried, from street stall to hotel restaurant, was either too salty, bland, or overpowered with chilli. Mao drove the good cooks away from China!

3. Kelantan (north east) - the best meal of my life so far was ayam percik (barbequed chicken marinated in coconut milk, tamarind and other spices); rice wrapped in banana leaves and shaped cone, with three different curries layered in the rice cake; and blue rice.

4. Malacca - chilli crab with thick, white slices of white bread; Nonya kueh (Malay-Chinese deserts);

5. Penang - asam laksa and kueh

6. KL - Maggi mee goreng (fried noodles), mee rubus (soft egg noodles in a potato based sauce), roti chanai, peanut pancakes with corn and coconut, tofu bakar (barbequed tofu stuffed with cucumber and dipped in satay sauce). Many food stalls are open 24 hours, which is perfect for an after drinks meal at 3am.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Phoenix/The Pixies

Second best gig moment of my life - Thomas Mars from Phoenix stepping down from stage to walk in the crowd to sing 'Napoleon Says'. He walked right in my path. I seem to have really good luck with getting close to musicians at gigs. I touched his arm. He stood next to me for most of the song. He is a dreamboat. He is kinda tall and has the slim build that I'm attracted to. After the gig they signed autographs and I got each band member to sign my CD. I thanked Thomas for coming down from stage to sing in the crowd, and said that it was really cool. He said that he tried to reach out to me from the stage but he was too short. I bet he says that to all the girls! I wanted to ask how Sofia Coppola was and if she was in Melbourne but I didn't have the guts. I wish I was Sofia, for several reasons which will be left for another blog.

I was front row for The Pixies, almost 3ft away from Kim Deal. I worship her - she is my favourite bass player and one of my favourite vocalists. She had a permanent smile on her face which was weird given that she is clean, but she definitely seemed to be the most friendly band member because she was the only one who spoke to the crowd. She is one of my top queens of cool, with the other two being Kim Gordon and Karen O. I only got into The Pixies two years ago, but their songs made me feel nostalgic even though I wasn't into the scene back in the early 90s.

A top 5 gig.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Nike Fallen Heroes Collection

80s and early 90s pop culture refrences on t-shirts are so 2004. Who was the genius at Nike who came up with the idea to design a sneaker collection based on celebrities who fell from cheesy grace in the early 90s - Pee Wee Herman, Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer and Milli Vanilli. I love the designer's attention to detail - the Pee Wee Herman at the cinema print on the insole, the shoelace dreadlocks on the Milli Vanilli shoe.

Pee Wee Herman

The colours of this shoe match his grey suit and red tie. Something feels wrong about NOT putting him on my list of the Worst 11 Celebrity Paedophiles.

How would you feel about standing on a picture of Pee Wee Herman jacking off in an adult theatre?

MC Hammer

The broken hammer on the outsole is so mean. Everytime I walk in these shoes I'd feel like I'm breaking a bit of the Hammer's soul. You can't touch that. The snake print on the Nike swoosh will make you feel like the original P-I-M-P that Hammer was. Wear these shoes with parachute pants and suspenders, and a long gold chain. No shirt underneath.

Vanilla Ice

This man was once the object of desire for powerful celebrities. He scored with Madonna and did a duet with Naomi Cambell.

He's a style icon for Vice kids around the world. Every second male scenester I see at gigs has hair and sunnies like him. Sorry, I'm too lazy to cut the text out of this picture I stole.

Milli Vanilli

Note that the shoelaces resemble their dreadlocks. The designer should have drawn a picture of a broken grammy on the shoe, rather than the broken hammer on the MC Hammer model.

Love list 4/3


Watch Lawn Dogs, Matchstick Men, and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.


To make enough for 4 breakfasts (for lazy loners like me), mix together:

- 2 cups oats
- 1 cup cloudy apply juice
- 1 cup natural yoghurt
- 1 grated Granny Smith
- almond slithers
- sultanas
- cinnamon

Serve with blueberries or strawberries (whatever is on special). But as the Special K ad says, buy blueberries BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Rush hour

Let's follow Geoffrey Rush.

Damn, he crossed the road. Quickly, let's cross too.

Geoffrey, we're getting closer.

Oops, Joseph forgot to switch the night settings off the camera.

That's better.

"No sir. You cannot enter the train station by scanning your Oscar over the entry. You need to go buy a ticket at that machine over there," said the ticket inspector in the blue shirt.

I bet you he's looking for platform 3 because he's going to go to his his beloved Camberwell station.

I knew it!

"Now where is that bloody train. I need to ring Cate to give my condolences for missing out on the Oscar."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Dan Count

Thursday 22/2 - spoke to 4 Dans' - Dan K1, Dan K2, Dan M, Dan T
Friday 23/2 - spoke to 1 Dan - Dan M
Saturday 24/2 - spoke to 1 Dan - Dan K
Sunday 25/2 - spoke to 1 Dan - Dan M
Monday 26/2 - spoke to 3 Dans' but nearly 4 - Dan K2, Dan M, Dan T, missed a call from Dan K1

TUESDAY 27/2 - SPOKE TO 5 DANS!!! That's a record. I spoke to Dan K1, Dan K2, Dan M, Dan T, and Dan T's housemate named Dan.

Another interesting Dan connection - my first friend in the world was named Daniel. We were in play group together when we were 1 or 2.

In the past year I've met 7 Dans'. Mind you, I didn't seek them out. I don't have a 'Dan' festish. I just happen to meet a lot of guys coincidentally named Daniel. I should have a party with all the Dans' I know. I only know one Danielle, but people call her Danni. I'm going to call her Dan the next time I see her.

Contact me if your name is Daniel or Danielle and we can be friends. Help to increase my Dan count!

Alan Partridge also has a friend named Dan.

The ultimate Dan - Daniel-son.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Thoughts about Asia

A few things bewilder me whenever I'm in Asia, that I want to explore:

- Why are Asians so materialistic?
- Why are R&B, hip hop and hard electo the most popular genres of music?
- Why aren't there many sub-cultures amongst the youth? Most people there just dress according to the latest Western trends. You won't find hippies, emos, goths, punks, mods, skaters, ravers, rockabillies, indie rockers or retro dressers.
- The contrast between the repression of expression and choice, and how young people behave (i.e. how repressed people act out). For example, Muslims are prohibited to drink and smoke but there are plenty of young people getting pissed and high in clubs in Malaysia. Chinese parents are especially strict on their kids, so even when their kids become adults, they continue to smoke behind their parents back. I find it really facinating that Western kids are so open to their parents about most facets of their life, so much so that when the kids become adults they become friends with their parents. When Asian kids become adults, the parent-child relationship is still there, where the parent is still this high up being who tells the child what to do, and the child obeys. My white friends drink with their parents. The only time this happens with Asians is at weddings!

An Inconvenient Truth

Do you think that most of the people who watched An Inconvenient Truth had some knowledge or concern about global warming anyway? Do you think the average Joe, Maria or Mei Ling, who value quick, mind-numbing entertainment over anything informative, would have seen this documentary? It's people like this, who form the bulk of society, that need to be educated about global warming. These are the kind of people who don't give a shit about anything happening in the world. They are self-obsessed, celebrity worshiping, group mentality, mainstream entertainment watching, materialistic consumers. They are the type of people who buy a Toyota Prius because Cameron Diaz drives one, not because it's a hybrid car (I know a girl who did this). How do you get the global warming message out to the Asian teenager hanging out at the shopping centre to pass time? How do you inform the guy whose main concern in life is buying a flash car and finding a hot chick? Celebrity endorsement. I think Toyota should pay Paris Hilton, Vin Disel and Nicolas Tse to drive Prius'. I think celebrities should be on ads to inform people about the steps they can take to help the environment. What about an ad where Jay-Z and Beyonce show people the energy efficient products they have in their home. Educate people through movies. In Ben Stiller's next film, why not have a few scenes where he recycles his beer cans rather than throw them in the ordinary trash can.

Many of the existing environmental awareness ads are targeted to households. What about businesses? Think of all the paper that gets thrown away and lights left on at your office. My company doesn't even have recycling bins for glass, cans and plastic. I'm going to ask for one. Why doesn't the government sponsor more ads to inform businesses to switch off the lights in their building after work? Or at least use an energy efficient source of light. Surely there will be a positive effect on the environment if all the office building lights in Shanghai and Manhattan were off for one night. Why not have a global blackout day, where every city skyline will be dark for one night. Once you've seen one glittering skyline you've seen them all anyway. If you want a picture, buy a postcard or print one off from the internet.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Creepy plant

It's called the Kangaroo Paw. I have to walk through several bushes of these plants everyday. It feels like there are hundreds of tiny hands and millions of tiny fingers trying to reach out and grab me whenever I walk past. Why can't they leave me alone!

A gallery

Johnston St, Collingwood.

Muffin porn

It doesn't matter if you are a top or bottom - the muffins at the Green Refrectory will please you any way you desire.

The wide, crisp top has edges that are almost as crunchy as a biscuit.

The base is filled with an abundance of fresh berries and chunks of pear or apple. Soft, moist and sweet. On weekends they may surprise you with chocolate chips too.

Forgive the dodgy photography.

Muffins were a staple food for me while I was at uni. They're cheap and filling. Whenever I visit a new cafe or bakery I always try their muffins, but time and time again I have been disappointed by their general dryness and lack of fruit. Are bakeries overcooking muffins on purpose to put people off eating them, thus helping to reduce obesity rates in Australia?

The Green Refrectory, without a doubt, makes the best muffins in Melbourne. These are the regular varieties they offer:

- Blueberry and pear
- Raspberry and apple (with chocolate chips sometimes)
- Strawberry and pear
- Blackberry/boysenberry and apple/pear
- Savoury - sun dried tomatoes, spinach, roast pumpkin, feta and pine nuts

Location: 115 Sydney Rd, Brunswick. It's next to the shoe store, opposite the tanning salon.

Opens till 8pm everyday but Sunday, when it closes at 5.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Worst 11 Paedophiles

11. Mary Kay Letourneau

Mary Kay Letourneau

Mary Kay Letourneau had sex with her 13 year old student, Vili Fualaau, in 1996. She went to jail in 1997 for statutory rape but gave birth to his child while in prison. She was released on good behaviour in 1998, on the condition that she was never to see Vili again. A month later they were caught in public together and she was sent back to the slammer, where she gave birth to their second child nine months later. He was finally legal when she was released in 2004. They married in 2005 and she changed her name to Mary Kay Fualaau.

10. Elvis

Elvis and Priscilla

Elvis had a fondness for young women. Especially virgins. He supposedly started dating Priscilla when she was 14 and he was 25. Lisa Marie is the poster child for the Electra complex because by marrying Michael Jackson, she married her father. Elvis and Michael - the Kings of Pop and lovers of people under the age of 18.

9. Patrick Swayze in Donnie Darko

Patrick Swayze

I think this is the only decent movie I've seen the Swayze-man in. He played Jim Cunningham, a famous motivational speaker who had a room full of child porn in his house.

8. Mr Colby from Degrassi

Mr Colby

Mr Colby preyed on the talented girls in class, who both happened to be black and neglected by their busy parents. First Lucy, then Suzie. There were reports that he also had his eye on Tatyana Ali and Raven Symone.

7. The driver who picked up Wheels hitchiking

One of my favourite Degrassi Junior High moments was when Wheels was hitchiking and gets picked up by a guy, who later proceeds to rubs his hands down Wheels' thigh and compliments him on his "stong legs".

6. Roman Polanski

Roman Polanski

In 1977, Roman Polanski drugged and raped a 13 year old model. He used the old paedophile excuse of "come to my house for a Vogue photo shoot/I need you to take your top off because all the models do, don't you want to be a real model?"

5. R Kelly

R Kelly's mug shot

Firstly, he married Aaliyah when she was 15. Secondly, there are several charges against him for filming child pornography and having sex with minors. I don't think he believes he can fly anymore. I hope he looses his wings in jail.

4. John Mark Karr

John Mark Karr

John Mark Karr, the primary school teacher who claimed to be in love with Jon Bennet Ramsay. In fact, he was so in love with her that he falsely confessed to accidentally killing her that tragic night. By the way, he was teaching in Thailand at the time of confession. Isn't that where a third of the world's paedophiles go?

3. Dylan Baker in Happiness

Bill with his son's best friend

Dylan Baker played Bill Maplewood, an average family man who had a crush on his son's best friend. Unfortunately the lust for the boy was too much to handle and he went to jail. He also offered to jerk off his son and said something else to him that is too sick for me to mention. Happiness will forever disturb me.

2. Gary Glitter

Why the fuck is he smiling? Did he just molest ten little boys? He probably made up the joke that "the best thing about twenty eight year olds is that there are twenty of them". He's listed as a sex offender in the UK, was banned from Cambodia on suspicion of committing child sex offences, and is now in jail in Vietnam for child sexual abuse. Cambodia and Vietnam are where the other third of the paedophiles in the world reside. Why can't Nike and Calvin Klein open more factories in these areas so children can be underpaid factory workers rather than sex workers.

1. Michael Jackson

A blatantly obvious choice? But hey, he did always talk about how much he really loved children.