Thursday, May 3, 2007

Dealing with people

There are two or three people whom I think I can hang out with more than three times a week without getting sick of them. I can't say this with conviction, since at times I've needed a break from seeing these people too. One of these people hasn't even really reached good friend status yet, but we hang out with each other three to four times a week and I'm happy to do that because he's easygoing and we get along well. The point is, I prefer to spend time alone and when I do socalize, I'm quite picky in the people I choose. I need a break from seeing most people (even good friends) if I've hung out with them two times in a week, and I especially begin to feel suffocated when anyone from this group asks for my time more than once or twice a week. I like to balance out the time I spend with my different friends. My social network is quite fragmanted. I don't have a big group of friends who know each other. Each of my friends are from differnent areas of my life. I'm most comfortable hanging out in a group of three. When I'm just hanging out with one other person, I feel so much pressure to avoid awkward silence that I end up rambling and laughing to much. Maybe that's why internet dates never worked out for me. Here's a psychiatrist's theory - I'm scared of a conversation going silent because all the way up to the age of 15, I was very quiet and people hated me for it.

I know a guy who I think can only tolerate to hang out with me once every few months. If I ask him to hang out again a few days after we've seen each other, he most likely won't even answer my call or reply my SMS. I think he'd rather chat with me on the internet than talk to me in person, which is fair enough because the online me is wittier and smarter (only because while chatting, I can Google things he's said that I don't understand). Anyone who doesn't know me in person must be wondering how unarticulate and slow I am in real life, given that the writing in this blog isn't much to go by. It's true, I'm one of the stupidest people I know, not many people are stupider than me (except the lady in my office who spells 'neighbours' as 'naiberous' and 'great' as 'grate'). It's one thing to be able to memorize your way through a degree, it's another to not finish school but do well in life because of smart decisions and ambition.

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