Friday, May 4, 2007

I used to have a brain

To take a line from Nina Simone's "I can't see nobody" - "I used to have a brain; I used to think of many things."

When I go for walks or I'm sitting on the tram, I'm conscious of when I'm not thinking. Nothing comes to mind to think about other than worrying about not thinking. I can't think of short film scripts because they develop as I write. I switch off from my day job the moment I exit my office doors. My thoughts usually comprise of personal worries and whoever is taking my fancy at the time. I'm oblivious to most events happening in the world. Maybe I just don't see any point in worrying about situations that I feel I have no control over. I don't like anyone at the moment, which has made me feel more content than I have ever been in the past few years. Not having a love interest has been fantastic because I'm less preoccupied about my looks, more focused on saving money to move to Candada next year and making my short film. I'm dressing like a tomboy again, wearing glasses (which I love though because they're these) and gained weight because I have no care about acquiring a boyfriend. I know, I'm a disappointing feminist and I should have more self-respect. I should want to look good for myself, not for a man! I was told that the events in your past life shape what happens to you now. I wonder if I bound my feet in a past life to increase my marriage prospects. That would also explain why I was born with feet problems.

Oi vey where is my mind...

I think I'm desperate to go back to uni, but I can't enrol at the moment because I'm saving to go overseas. This is the year of sacrificing my brain for potentially greater experiences next year.

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