I will not give in!

Fuck having to sleep early (before midnight) to get enough rest for the next work day. There are so many things to do and learn in this world, I'm not going to let an eight hour work schedule prevent me from living life at night. I wish there was a pill I could take so I could stay up for 24 hours without any side effects. I resolve sleep whenever I feel like it. Coffee was commercialised for a reason.

I'm certainty I hate her

The illiterate fuckwit who sits next to me at work said "certainty" instead of "certainly" yesterday. She tries to be sophisticated at times by speaking in a faux bogan posh accent and saying words that are more than two syllables. She is the antithesis of who I want to be - umotivated, dependent, a follower, no mind of her own, insecure, suburbanite, obese, ugly. Her ass is so fat it takes up half the corridor. She waddles like Grimace and has kankles. All her life she was brainwashed to believe her goal in life is to marry a boy from the same culture. She found a not-so-great guy to marry at a young age and have a (ugly) kid with him because he wanted one. Looking at her, thinking about her, makes me want to vomit.

Stupid customers

Customer - "Your website isn't working"
Me - "Why"
Customer - "It's different"
Me - "What website are you using?"
Customer - "www.xxxxxxxx.com"
Me - "That's the wrong one. It's www.yyyyyyy.com"
Customer - "Oh yeah, that's right, silly me. Let me login to the website. I can't get in. The login details are wrong."
Me - "What are you typing in?"
Customer - "Username - xxxxx. Password - yyyyy."
Me - "It's the other way around. The usename is yyyyy and the password is xxxxx."
Customer - "Oh, yes, silly me."

Me (thinking) - "How can you be an IT teacher if you have trouble getting into a website, dumbass!"

Stupid things Naiberous did today

1. She did not know how to adjust the border width on the binding machine. The ruler and indicator on the machine is so self explanatory that a blind downs syndrome person could use it without instruction.

2. She asked my friend how to record messages on the phone, despite the easy to follow, step by step instructions that someone who speaks English as a fourth language could understand.

3. She printed something and said it was only printing odd numbers. Then my friend pointed out that it printed double sided. She did not know how to change the print settings. I don't understand how she could have been in an office job before.

4. She worried too much about how to use a supplier's website that is so user friendly even my grandma (who hasn't touched a keyboard in her life and can't read English) could use it . She spent half an hour asking everyone how we could improve the website (because the supplier asked us for feedback), but it wasn't worth our time to even investigate it because we hardly use their website.

5. She baby talked on the phone to her year old daughter three times today. It's enough to make me turn emo.


Listening to: Tidy Kid - Frozen Flower Pot

Surrounded by desperate housewives

One of the few highlights of my boring day job was getting to sit next to one of my good friends everyday. It was a completely loud, hilarious, fun, chatter-filled, un-PC, trouble making mess sitting next to her. We were given the evil eye many times by boring people walking by who thought we were either bimbos, bitches or simply weird. Hey, if your paisley pink trouser pocket lining matches the pattern of your shirt, you are asking for it. A guy at the office called us "twisted, but in a good way".

At the beginning of this week my dear friend was replaced by the dumb lady who came back from maternity leave (I'll refer to her as 'Naiberous'). I was right to dread her return. I have not enjoyed one moment sitting next to her. Firstly, I can't believe she's only 28. She acts like she's 38. Actually, I know a 38 year old who acts younger than she does. There are many people in the office her age and older who seem younger than her. She's not a cool mum either. She comes from a very traditional, no questions asked background. Meaning, she has been brought up to live her life according to what her culture dictated...early last century. She was brainwashed by her parents to believe that all she needs to do in life is marry a man of the same cultural background (doesn't matter if he isn't very nice) and have children. Now that she has accomplished that goal, she has to bring her children up in the same way that her parents have. She has no desire to learn or discover anything about her surroundings and the world. All she wants to do is be a good wife and mother. The child is doomed to be as stupid as her parents are. Plus, her baby is ugly. If you can't be cute as a baby, then what chance in hell do you have of being slightly better looking when you are older? I feel very sorry for the baby. Should stupid people even be allowed to breed? The only benefit I see in it is that there will be more people available to fill the mindless jobs that no one else wants to do and buy products that they won't need but people like me will sell to them. In prehistoric times, stupid people probably would have been eaten by dinosaurs as they did not have the skills to survive.

Only two days have passed since she's started sitting next to me and already bits of my soul have slowly died away (that was such an emo sentence). I wither away when I'm not surrounded by exciting, intelligent, driven people who are continuously seeking to learn and improve. It bewilders me that some people are not interested in learning. How can you work in EDUCATIONAL PUBLISHING and not have a care in the world about your brain? It almost makes me cry. I would choose wits over looks any day.

She gets along very well with the other desperate housewife in the office. I don't care about your friekin kids! It doesn't interest me at all what your kid did last night. Care factor ZERO. I want to hear about parties and gigs, hookups and breakups from the last night - not what was on reality TV! I will not have debates with you on who is a more suitable husband for Jessica Simpson! I want to hear about the lives of people I actually know, not people you read about in the New Weekly! Trash is ok once in awhile for fun, but not as a serious conversation every day! Why can't I stop punctuating sentences with exclamation marks! Because I'm so annoyed!

I work in educational publishing but...

I found this letter on my computer at work, left behind by it's previous user who was an admin lady:

RE: Complaint made on our dog/s creating excessive noise by barking.

Dear Mr Butler,

I am writing in regards to the letter received on Tuesday 14th December 2004 Reference No. 151543 (CRS 242329). A complete was put through from someone by our naiberous that our dog/s are creating excessive noise by barking and aren’t securely confined onto the property.
I would like to bring forward in regards that my dog/s on the excessive noise by barking
Further more in regards to t locked up at the back on our property at all times of the day. If by any chance my parents or myself takes the dog/s for a walk it is put on a leash.

She was born and educated in Australia. Her family is European but they don't speak English at home. Apparently she finished high school. Her letter makes me laugh but feel angry at the same time. How could they have let her get through the school system?

She spelt "great" as "grate" in EVERY e-mail she sent out, as her sign off was "have a grate day". Not one person, including the managers whom she communicated with, bothered to correct her. She also spelt "brief" as "brife" and "their" as "thier".

Using proper spelling and grammar in an EDUCATIONAL PUBLISHING company, no matter what your role is, should be as mandatory as pilots having 20/20 vision. We publish books on spelling and grammar goddamit!!!

By the way, I was told she only had one dog/s.