Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Rush hour

Let's follow Geoffrey Rush.

Damn, he crossed the road. Quickly, let's cross too.

Geoffrey, we're getting closer.

Oops, Joseph forgot to switch the night settings off the camera.

That's better.

"No sir. You cannot enter the train station by scanning your Oscar over the entry. You need to go buy a ticket at that machine over there," said the ticket inspector in the blue shirt.

I bet you he's looking for platform 3 because he's going to go to his his beloved Camberwell station.

I knew it!

"Now where is that bloody train. I need to ring Cate to give my condolences for missing out on the Oscar."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Dan Count

Thursday 22/2 - spoke to 4 Dans' - Dan K1, Dan K2, Dan M, Dan T
Friday 23/2 - spoke to 1 Dan - Dan M
Saturday 24/2 - spoke to 1 Dan - Dan K
Sunday 25/2 - spoke to 1 Dan - Dan M
Monday 26/2 - spoke to 3 Dans' but nearly 4 - Dan K2, Dan M, Dan T, missed a call from Dan K1

TUESDAY 27/2 - SPOKE TO 5 DANS!!! That's a record. I spoke to Dan K1, Dan K2, Dan M, Dan T, and Dan T's housemate named Dan.

Another interesting Dan connection - my first friend in the world was named Daniel. We were in play group together when we were 1 or 2.

In the past year I've met 7 Dans'. Mind you, I didn't seek them out. I don't have a 'Dan' festish. I just happen to meet a lot of guys coincidentally named Daniel. I should have a party with all the Dans' I know. I only know one Danielle, but people call her Danni. I'm going to call her Dan the next time I see her.

Contact me if your name is Daniel or Danielle and we can be friends. Help to increase my Dan count!

Alan Partridge also has a friend named Dan.

The ultimate Dan - Daniel-son.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Thoughts about Asia

A few things bewilder me whenever I'm in Asia, that I want to explore:

- Why are Asians so materialistic?
- Why are R&B, hip hop and hard electo the most popular genres of music?
- Why aren't there many sub-cultures amongst the youth? Most people there just dress according to the latest Western trends. You won't find hippies, emos, goths, punks, mods, skaters, ravers, rockabillies, indie rockers or retro dressers.
- The contrast between the repression of expression and choice, and how young people behave (i.e. how repressed people act out). For example, Muslims are prohibited to drink and smoke but there are plenty of young people getting pissed and high in clubs in Malaysia. Chinese parents are especially strict on their kids, so even when their kids become adults, they continue to smoke behind their parents back. I find it really facinating that Western kids are so open to their parents about most facets of their life, so much so that when the kids become adults they become friends with their parents. When Asian kids become adults, the parent-child relationship is still there, where the parent is still this high up being who tells the child what to do, and the child obeys. My white friends drink with their parents. The only time this happens with Asians is at weddings!

An Inconvenient Truth

Do you think that most of the people who watched An Inconvenient Truth had some knowledge or concern about global warming anyway? Do you think the average Joe, Maria or Mei Ling, who value quick, mind-numbing entertainment over anything informative, would have seen this documentary? It's people like this, who form the bulk of society, that need to be educated about global warming. These are the kind of people who don't give a shit about anything happening in the world. They are self-obsessed, celebrity worshiping, group mentality, mainstream entertainment watching, materialistic consumers. They are the type of people who buy a Toyota Prius because Cameron Diaz drives one, not because it's a hybrid car (I know a girl who did this). How do you get the global warming message out to the Asian teenager hanging out at the shopping centre to pass time? How do you inform the guy whose main concern in life is buying a flash car and finding a hot chick? Celebrity endorsement. I think Toyota should pay Paris Hilton, Vin Disel and Nicolas Tse to drive Prius'. I think celebrities should be on ads to inform people about the steps they can take to help the environment. What about an ad where Jay-Z and Beyonce show people the energy efficient products they have in their home. Educate people through movies. In Ben Stiller's next film, why not have a few scenes where he recycles his beer cans rather than throw them in the ordinary trash can.

Many of the existing environmental awareness ads are targeted to households. What about businesses? Think of all the paper that gets thrown away and lights left on at your office. My company doesn't even have recycling bins for glass, cans and plastic. I'm going to ask for one. Why doesn't the government sponsor more ads to inform businesses to switch off the lights in their building after work? Or at least use an energy efficient source of light. Surely there will be a positive effect on the environment if all the office building lights in Shanghai and Manhattan were off for one night. Why not have a global blackout day, where every city skyline will be dark for one night. Once you've seen one glittering skyline you've seen them all anyway. If you want a picture, buy a postcard or print one off from the internet.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Creepy plant

It's called the Kangaroo Paw. I have to walk through several bushes of these plants everyday. It feels like there are hundreds of tiny hands and millions of tiny fingers trying to reach out and grab me whenever I walk past. Why can't they leave me alone!

A gallery

Johnston St, Collingwood.

Muffin porn

It doesn't matter if you are a top or bottom - the muffins at the Green Refrectory will please you any way you desire.

The wide, crisp top has edges that are almost as crunchy as a biscuit.

The base is filled with an abundance of fresh berries and chunks of pear or apple. Soft, moist and sweet. On weekends they may surprise you with chocolate chips too.

Forgive the dodgy photography.

Muffins were a staple food for me while I was at uni. They're cheap and filling. Whenever I visit a new cafe or bakery I always try their muffins, but time and time again I have been disappointed by their general dryness and lack of fruit. Are bakeries overcooking muffins on purpose to put people off eating them, thus helping to reduce obesity rates in Australia?

The Green Refrectory, without a doubt, makes the best muffins in Melbourne. These are the regular varieties they offer:

- Blueberry and pear
- Raspberry and apple (with chocolate chips sometimes)
- Strawberry and pear
- Blackberry/boysenberry and apple/pear
- Savoury - sun dried tomatoes, spinach, roast pumpkin, feta and pine nuts

Location: 115 Sydney Rd, Brunswick. It's next to the shoe store, opposite the tanning salon.

Opens till 8pm everyday but Sunday, when it closes at 5.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Worst 11 Paedophiles

11. Mary Kay Letourneau

Mary Kay Letourneau

Mary Kay Letourneau had sex with her 13 year old student, Vili Fualaau, in 1996. She went to jail in 1997 for statutory rape but gave birth to his child while in prison. She was released on good behaviour in 1998, on the condition that she was never to see Vili again. A month later they were caught in public together and she was sent back to the slammer, where she gave birth to their second child nine months later. He was finally legal when she was released in 2004. They married in 2005 and she changed her name to Mary Kay Fualaau.

10. Elvis

Elvis and Priscilla

Elvis had a fondness for young women. Especially virgins. He supposedly started dating Priscilla when she was 14 and he was 25. Lisa Marie is the poster child for the Electra complex because by marrying Michael Jackson, she married her father. Elvis and Michael - the Kings of Pop and lovers of people under the age of 18.

9. Patrick Swayze in Donnie Darko

Patrick Swayze

I think this is the only decent movie I've seen the Swayze-man in. He played Jim Cunningham, a famous motivational speaker who had a room full of child porn in his house.

8. Mr Colby from Degrassi

Mr Colby

Mr Colby preyed on the talented girls in class, who both happened to be black and neglected by their busy parents. First Lucy, then Suzie. There were reports that he also had his eye on Tatyana Ali and Raven Symone.

7. The driver who picked up Wheels hitchiking

One of my favourite Degrassi Junior High moments was when Wheels was hitchiking and gets picked up by a guy, who later proceeds to rubs his hands down Wheels' thigh and compliments him on his "stong legs".

6. Roman Polanski

Roman Polanski

In 1977, Roman Polanski drugged and raped a 13 year old model. He used the old paedophile excuse of "come to my house for a Vogue photo shoot/I need you to take your top off because all the models do, don't you want to be a real model?"

5. R Kelly

R Kelly's mug shot

Firstly, he married Aaliyah when she was 15. Secondly, there are several charges against him for filming child pornography and having sex with minors. I don't think he believes he can fly anymore. I hope he looses his wings in jail.

4. John Mark Karr

John Mark Karr

John Mark Karr, the primary school teacher who claimed to be in love with Jon Bennet Ramsay. In fact, he was so in love with her that he falsely confessed to accidentally killing her that tragic night. By the way, he was teaching in Thailand at the time of confession. Isn't that where a third of the world's paedophiles go?

3. Dylan Baker in Happiness

Bill with his son's best friend

Dylan Baker played Bill Maplewood, an average family man who had a crush on his son's best friend. Unfortunately the lust for the boy was too much to handle and he went to jail. He also offered to jerk off his son and said something else to him that is too sick for me to mention. Happiness will forever disturb me.

2. Gary Glitter

Why the fuck is he smiling? Did he just molest ten little boys? He probably made up the joke that "the best thing about twenty eight year olds is that there are twenty of them". He's listed as a sex offender in the UK, was banned from Cambodia on suspicion of committing child sex offences, and is now in jail in Vietnam for child sexual abuse. Cambodia and Vietnam are where the other third of the paedophiles in the world reside. Why can't Nike and Calvin Klein open more factories in these areas so children can be underpaid factory workers rather than sex workers.

1. Michael Jackson

A blatantly obvious choice? But hey, he did always talk about how much he really loved children.