Friday, May 4, 2007

How to ruin a day

Wear really uncomfortable shoes to stand in the whole day. Fuck these shoes. The flat sole deceived me. Flat does not equal comfortable. Oh, make sure they don't have good grip so you have trouble walking across smooth surfaces. You may even slip a few times. Damn these shoes. Why can't people make simple, comfy ballet flats? These were the only pair I could find after looking all over Melbourne. Does everyone wear boots, heels and wedges? Surely there must be a market my age for plain black leather ballet flats.

Also forget to wear a belt when wearing loose pants. Whenever I lose weight it comes off from the hips first. My hips aren't even big to begin with! My pants and jeans always, always slip down. It makes it look to others that I'm purposely showing off my arse crack, but I'm not - I simply have no arse and hip flesh to fill out my pants! I can never run in my jeans because they'll fall to my knees, even when I buckle my belt tightly. Why can't I loose weight in my face or stomach instead? I know my back would be happy without the two boobs hanging off it. Yes, when you're fat, you have two sets of boobs - one on the chest and the other on the back. You fatties know what I'm talking about.

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